oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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