I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
smell my finger.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
