bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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