I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
