Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
