There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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