Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
this is an emotional support booty call
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize