So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
