do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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