he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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