We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
