happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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