I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
