If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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