They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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