Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize