Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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