did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
