Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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