I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
