i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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