im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
