i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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