guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
