I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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