why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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