No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
