R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i dont even know how to be here
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
