you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think people are normalizing furries
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
