Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think my nap took me to another dimension
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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