Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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