they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
