I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
