You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
