got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
