Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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