But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize