nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I need to align my fucking chakras
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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