I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
