I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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