R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
In America we eat man semen.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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