I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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