Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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