i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
