Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
