you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ugly people sure do ruin things
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
