Whatcha textin bout Willis?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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