Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i think im in europe. pls send help
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