My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
