i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
