In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
