how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
