why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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