It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
