his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
