You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
