**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
