Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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