omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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