i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
