benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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