she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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