Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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