I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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