? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
