So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
