Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We left the knife in your bed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
