i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
