The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
