she smelled like a LAN party
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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