He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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