Pappa wants mamma naked
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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