Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
