I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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